"My mum needed a kidney, and I didn’t need both of mine. When I heard that, I didn't have any hesitation."
My mum was being seen by a kidney consultant for as long as I can remember. In 2017, her consultant told us that her kidney was deteriorating and that she needed to go on the kidney transplant list. That was a real shock to her – she’d been going for years and was always told that she was fine to continue as she had been. I’m the eldest of her four children, and we all knew that this would happen one day, but it always felt very far away. We didn’t expect it to actually happen.
She was told that if she didn’t receive a kidney then eventually she’d need to go on dialysis. I was with her for her appointment and still remember the look on her face. She couldn’t take it in.
The nurse explained all the options to us. She could go on the transplant list and wait for a kidney to become available from a deceased or non-directed donor, or a family member could begin tests to see if they were compatible for a donation.
When I heard that, I didn’t have any hesitation. I didn’t feel any fear about the surgery itself – I’d been through other surgeries before and never thought of it as a big thing (though I appreciate it can be!). I didn’t know much about kidney donation at all before this moment, but that didn’t matter. My mum needed a kidney, and I didn’t need both of mine. They even mentioned how a family member would have a better chance at being a stronger match, particularly as members of a minority community. It was a no-brainer.
On the way home, I told mum that I’d look into donating to her. At first she was very hesitant and didn’t like the idea of me donating. They didn’t know anyone who’d donated a kidney before, and my mum was concerned about taking something as important as an organ from her daughter. In our community, that isn’t how things are normally done. But I stayed very headstrong. This was something I wanted to do. It was my body and I wanted to do this for her.
I got home and talked with my husband about it, as well as my sisters. We all agreed that I should at least go and get tested to see if it was even an option before we made up our minds. The professionals made it clear that the donation could only happen if they were as certain as they could be that I was healthy enough to do so and there would be no problems, so we may as well see if that was the case before we made up our minds.
We didn’t tell anyone else outside of myself, my parents, siblings and my husband. I’m part of a large family, but we didn’t want everyone to feel as though they could control what would happen. It was my decision. We only told them a couple of weeks before the surgery, after I had gone through all the tests and was told that I was healthy enough to donate and a match with my mum. The first people to be told were our two kids. They thought it was really cool that I could do something like donate an organ while I was still alive! Other reactions were quite mixed at first. Some family members were shocked at first as they didn’t know anything about kidney donation. There was a lot of fear about the unknown aspects of donating.
Through it all, though, I was adamant that we shouldn’t let their opinions influence us. I said to my mum, once everyone knows then they know. But it’s what we wanted to do that matters. We don’t answer to anyone. I’ve chosen to donate, and it will improve her health. That’s all that matters.
The date was set for our operations. By pure chance, it turned out to be my mum’s birthday! We were given a few options for when it could happen, but that one just felt right. I was turning 40 a couple of weeks afterwards too, so it all felt like it was the perfect time for us.
Mum went in first, in the morning, with my operation beginning after hers. Unfortunately I had a few complications during my surgery which meant I had to stay in hospital longer than anticipated. Even so, I wouldn’t do anything differently. I knew all the risks before – the healthcare professionals tell you everything and make sure you’re prepared for all the outcomes – and I accepted those risks. I still look back and I’m happy with my choice. These things happen. In my opinion, the risk was worth it for my mum’s health. Yes, I got poorly, but I still recovered, and it’s changed my mum’s life dramatically for the better. My short-term pain for her immense long-term gain.
My mum is doing amazingly well since her kidney transplant. She’s got her zest for life back, and she can be a better grandmother because of it. She still needs to take medication every day, but she’d need that even if she didn’t have the operation. The kidney has saved her from doing dialysis several times a week. A lot of people don’t realise just how draining and debilitating that can be. It’s essentially a type of life support machine that your veins have to be connected up to several times a week.
For me, I feel like there can be a negative stigma around donating an organ. I’m from a Hindu background. Our faith tells us that we should be giving and charitable, including donating blood if we’re able, but when it comes to organs people have a lot of opinions. My parents felt as though they’ve lived their lives and they couldn’t possibly take anything from their children. As a mum I completely understand that, but I also understand when health needs to come first.
Mum is so proud of her kidney now. Before the operation happened there were a lot of worries and a lot that we didn’t know, but now that it’s done she tells everyone! She’s incredibly proud that her daughter gave her a kidney, and she was in a position where she could receive such a gift. She wants people to be more aware of living kidney donation and realise that it’s not a bad thing at all, it doesn’t deserve the stigma. I’m so glad that she feels that way, and can talk to people in our community to explain our situation and show that everything is fine.
Emma donated her kidney to a stranger eight years ago after first seeing a story about non-directed donation on TV four years previously.
ReadJoyce thought that she was too old to donate a kidney, before learning there was no upper age limit for donating.
ReadMandy donated one of her kidneys to her younger cousin Lou, who was diagnosed with kidney problems when she was two years old.
Read"I don’t consider myself to be a hero or brave. I just did what I was brought up to do – to help others."
ReadJulie worked hard to stay fit and healthy while she was preparing to donate a kidney to her nephew.
Read"At the beginning it seemed like a difficult decision to make, but since the operation I don’t have any regrets."
ReadTessa believes that donating a kidney to a stranger is one of the best decisions she's ever made.
ReadLynn was 75 when she donated a kidney altruistically. "I knew I wanted to do it if I was capable of doing so."
Read“You don’t need to be a superhero, you don’t need to be a mega star of any sort. It’s something that normal people just like me can do."
ReadLaura knew she would donate a kidney to her sister if she needed it. When the time came, she found the process absolutely worth it.
ReadMatt's dream of joining the police was shattered by an unexpected diagnosis of kidney disease, but his mother's kidney donation allowed him to thrive and pursue new dreams.
Read"I've learnt a lot about myself and my own health – I would do it again in a heartbeat (if I had another kidney to spare!)"
Read"I believe that if you are in a position to help someone else less fortunate than yourself, then you should do so."
ReadEvery kidneyversary deserves a celebration, but in 2024 Elaine marked a particularly poignant milestone – 10 years since she donated a kidney to her eldest daughter.
Read"I feel immeasurably better in myself knowing I have been able to give my brother the gift of a healthy life."
ReadDennis is keen to show people that you can still live your life as normal and achieve great things after donating a kidney.
ReadWhen Ali heard that a former colleague was waiting for a kidney transplant, he knew within minutes that he would offer one of his.
ReadKathryn faced life-changing kidney failure after being diagnosed with the rare disease, IgA vasculitis.
ReadMarianne has seen first hand the benefits that kidney donation can bring to a family, and feels blessed that she was able to donate a kidney to her brother.
ReadBen felt drained by kidney disease for over 12 years before his cousin gave him a second chance at life by donating his kidney.
ReadJulie donated to her son and knows first hand that donating an organ doesn’t just save a person. It saves a family.
ReadAnne donated into the UK Living Kidney Sharing Scheme so that her brother could receive a kidney transplant.
Read"Within both the Jain and Hindu faiths benevolence to others is supposed to be a key principle. What could be a greater act of benevolence than transforming someone’s life by giving them part of yourself?"
Read"If I had more Kidneys to give, I'd be donating to anyone who needed one."
ReadTrainee teacher Mark is grateful for the life-saving kidney transplant from his brother that put him back on track for life and his career.
ReadSheldon & Hayley watched their daughter Daisy-May go from a shock diagnosis of kidney failure to dialysis, then transplant, in an emotional rollercoaster lasting 16 months.
ReadMy donor gave me a life to live for. I have done things I had never considered doing whilst on dialysis.
Read"If I had another kidney to spare, I would donate in a heartbeat. It was life changing for my husband, and for me as a person."
ReadDavid is just an average Joe. A motorcycling, 54-year-old father and grandfather. And 6 years ago, he donated one of his kidneys to someone who needed it more than he did.
Read40 years ago, Kathleen donated one of her kidneys to Cheryl, who was just five years old at the time.
Read"Giving a small part of me that I didn’t need to someone else would make little difference in my life, but a huge difference in theirs – it was an easy decision for me to make."
ReadLiz's family struggled at first with her determination to donate her kidney to someone unrelated to her.
Read"I donated a kidney to my dad 10 years ago, aged 25. To me, it was a no brainer."
ReadSarah had seen the life-changing difference donating a kidney could have, and immediately knew it was something she wanted to do.
ReadI would not feel as comfortable in my own skin as I do now if I had not donated my kidney.
ReadPete’s kidney gave me my life back and gave my son Edward a mum with energy and vitality.
ReadWhether you’ve already decided to donate a kidney, or you are interested in finding out more about the process and what it involves, we’re here to answer any questions you might have.
