I had been with my partner (now my husband) for over a year when he sat me down and told me that he needed a kidney transplant. I already knew he had kidney disease, but we’d never really spoken about him needing a kidney donation before then. But at that point, he had several appointments with his consultants and had been told that the best option for him would be to get a transplant from a living donor, if one was available.
He was living on dialysis, and I saw the constant reality of what that meant for him. He told me that he’d been waiting over five years for a compatible kidney from a deceased donor, but it had never come.
My pretty immediate response was, “Ok then, let’s see if I’m a match for you.”
Beginning the tests
I started the process in 2017. Quite quickly after beginning the tests, the doctors decided that my GFR rate (how much blood my kidneys can filter each minute) was slightly too low to be considered healthy enough to donate a kidney. The healthcare team thought this was probably because I was working as a cabin crew member at the time, which may be having an effect on my kidneys. My partner and I chatted about it and agreed it was good that we tried but we couldn’t do much more, so we put the matter to bed.
The second attempt
Thankfully his dreams came true and he got a kidney donation from a deceased donor a few years later. That really helped his situation for a few years. Sadly, however, that kidney failed during lockdown. Again, he was told that a kidney from a living donor would be the best option for him, as kidneys from living donors can last longer and have a higher success rate.
At this point I was no longer a cabin crew member, so suggested I try again in case my GFR had risen. The living donor coordinators thought it probably still wouldn’t be an option, but was worth testing again just in case. Lo and behold, when they tested me my GFR had shot up! The team had never seen something like this happen before, but were really happy to proceed given the test results.
I was more comfortable being tested for the second time as I had a better idea of what to expect. I felt mentally prepared. I have a fear of needles, but tried to put the thought to the back of my mind and just got on with it. I kept looking at my husband and thinking, if he can go through what he lives with then I can get through this short period of testing. Honestly once they realised I could donate, the whole testing process happened quite quickly.
As testing continued, we found out my kidney wasn’t a direct match for my partner. That’s when we found out about the Kidney Sharing Scheme. Through the scheme, I could give my kidney to someone else on the kidney waiting list who was a better match for it, and in return my husband would get a kidney that was a better match for him. It made sense to us – we’d still get the outcome we wanted, so what did it matter that my kidney went to someone else? We said, let’s do it.
We were put onto the Sharing Scheme matching runs and waited for another matching donor-recipient partner to be found. It took about two years, but in the end they said they had found someone and we could move forward.
Transplant Day
Our operations happened in December 2022. We were somewhat unfortunate as we went into hospital on the first day of a nurse’s strike. There was some conversation about whether it should be postponed, but the healthcare professionals said everything was in place for us and we were fine to move ahead. My transplant coordinator who had been with me all through my journey was also on strike, so I didn’t have her with me on the day. Thankfully my husband had been through countless hospital visits countless times before and was used to the madness of it all, so he was able to talk everything through with me. It was all fine in the end, but certainly chaotic!
